How I found my Authentic Voice
There’s so much talk about finding your authentic voice. I’m going to share how I found my authentic voice, and it is the most vulnerable share that I have made to date, so be kind.
Following in the footsteps
For many years, I was following footsteps, trying to make a viable business from coaching. I thought I was doing all the right things, but it turns out what I was doing was feeding my imposter syndrome. This was taking me further and further away from my dream. And that that’s something that I see happen to many people, which is why I’m going to share.
My Coaching Dream
In 2006, I had a dream. It was to teach others how to coach. I was fresh out of my coaching training, and I was going to change the world. I thought, “Everyone has to have these skills.” and I was high on the thrill of this new knowledge and these new skills. I was setting about building my own coaching business so that I could then become a teacher.
But it turns out, building that coaching business wasn’t as easy as I had been led to believe. And I didn’t make it any easier on myself. I turned to the Internet to learn how to market my services. That led me to fall down a rabbit hole that would take me years to climb back out of. And so I’m sharing that here, vulnerably, for the first time, so that you can save that time.
Into Imposter Syndrome
fell into a pattern of creating packages and programs, even writing books, in response to what I thought people would pay for. That led to imposter syndrome. It led to me not staying in my zone of genius. It led to me positioning myself as a marketing coach, which is the furthest thing from my authentic self as you can find. But I could help people who were a step or two behind. I could show them some things that had worked for me.
It led me to write a book on weight loss, of all things, which I was not a role model for at that point. I’m grateful that I did do that because it has led to some of the most fulfilling work that I now do. At that time, I was trying to find what was going to stick. It was throwing mud at the wall and seeing what would stick.
And so, I was learning something, and then I would share it. And then I would learn something, and I would share it, and I got caught in the cycle of knowing, but not doing. And I got stuck in there for quite some time. I had varying degrees of success, and I’ve always had clients through my coaching career. I’ve never been without clients, and without the ability to coach. But finding that feeling of belonging and authenticity, and being able to stay in my own lane, took a long time.
Launching Coach School (the first time)
In 2016, I took the plunge and I decided to start teaching coaching. I knew that my theory was sound, I was getting great results with my clients, and I knew it was time. I felt legitimate because it’s something that I know that I’m qualified to speak about. I launched the certified professional coach program from Coach School. It felt icky, and so I went straight back onto that imposter syndrome wheel. I did a launch the way that everyone told me, so I was back in that cycle of following in the footsteps, and not doing it for my reasons.
Crunch Time
The crunch point came when my parents let me know they were coming to stay with us in New Zealand. I’m from Scotland, and they were in Scotland. They were coming for my mom’s 70th birthday, which fell on my daughter’s 10th birthday, and then they were going to stay through Christmas. I thought, “Well, this is great.”
But I still had my day job, and I had no annual leave left. I was aware that this could be my parent’s last trip to New Zealand. I was right, because in my dad’s case, he died about a year and a half ago, and that trip was the last time that I saw him. And so, for me to live with the fact that this could be the last time that my parents were going to come out, and I had no annual leave, I left my day job.
Now this day job, I used to call it my golden handcuffs job, because it was well-paid. I was an engineering manager for a telecommunications company in New Zealand, and I had been there for seven years. I took a six-month contract, it last seven years. I loved my job, I loved my team, but I also loved coaching, and I loved that business. And the two things together had been conflicted for quite some time.
This crunch point meant that I knew in my heart and my gut that I had to have this time with my parents, but now I had to make my business work. It was so hard. I can still remember sitting in my kitchen, and sobbing, just sobbing. I allowed myself to be so scared, and so sad, without knowing how to fix it. I felt like such a failure to my husband and my family that I couldn’t keep on going with my day job, making really good money, as well as building a business on the side. It was that sense of being a failure. I’ve let everybody down.
I’ve done the right thing
But deep in my heart and my gut, I knew I had done the right thing. That lesson though, of sitting in my kitchen and sobbing, allowing myself to feel everything, was such a turning point for me. I survived. I don’t ever remember allowing myself to feel the way that I did that day, without anyone rescuing me, without me blaming someone else for my situation, without me trying to come up with a solution, the magic bullet, that was going to solve the problem. It was just me and what I felt.
I realized that if I could feel scared and survive, then I could do it again, and again, and again. And that was the beginning of my finding my authentic voice.
Finding my authentic voice
I realized that I could do things on my terms, my way because I’m creating my version of success for me and my family.
- I don’t have to set goals that don’t inspire me.
- I don’t have to do what everybody else is doing, and
- I don’t have to do it the way that it’s always done.
When I truly began to embody that, I began to attract the best clients and the best students.
I began to court bigger and better opportunities. I have the patience to know that they will bear fruit when the time is right.
And that’s when I knew I dared to say what I needed to say in my way. Because if I can do that, and if you can do that too, the fear of scrutiny, trolling, imposter syndrome, all that, it all melts away. Because in my heart, I know that I will feel uncomfortable, and scared, and sad again, but I will also survive.
Originally published at https://coachschool.academy on August 13, 2019.
